I'm starting this blog to take you through my journey with CPS (Child Protective Services) the courts and the men in my life. Also about the faith that I once had that seems to be failing. I have recently lost my girls ages 2, 4, and 7 to CPS. The two younger ones are my current husband's girls. The oldest an ex boyfriend. CPS came in took my kids due to an allegation made by my current husband. He alleged that one of my older boys from a previous marriage molested our 4 yr old. He came in why I was grooming and asked how well I watched my son while I was working. He then proceeded to tell me that my daughter said he touched her and she pointed south. I don't believe this. Till this day my daughter has never told me directly that this occurred. I will explain some details now but as I progress I will bring more issues that support my belief that this is just another lie from my husband. I'll plunge into those issues as I flash back through out my marriage issues. Today's issue is me feeling that I'm at a stand still. As if no matter how much crying, praying or pleadings that I am hopelessly losing (hence the name of my blog) my girls. CPS charged me and my husband both with neglect or with failure to protect. I didn't report this as I didn't feel it was true. My husband at first felt it was true and he didn't report it. In fact his mommy did. (notice bitterness in that line?)Later he had told me he didn't think it was true cause my daughter had said I touched her. Which is exactly what I gotten when I asked her. According to my little girl, her oldest brother who has been on a mission for nearly 2 yrs now touched her, grandma touched her and i touched her and yes that my accused son did as well. What does she mean by touch? Well that's what I would like to know. I asked specifically if she was touched in this manner and often times would get mixed answers of yes and no but always that numerous others did. Either way, it is strange that CPS felt I was the worse parent here and that I was in denial, although I feel that if my husband felt this was true that it would make him worse as he felt it happened and he didn't report it. Makes you wonder why he would do this? He let my son continue to live in the house. My son was very upset by all this and often stayed away from the home which was nothing new as he and my husband didn't get along and he often spent his time away from home. Which I didn't blame him for. I in fact found it hard to live with him myself. I had been complicating divorce for at least a yr and wish now that I had done it sooner. My husband being a stubborn man and always with his heads up in the clouds, would not take my plea to work on this marriage and that i was seriously considering divorce. He stated that he would not live one day without seeing his girls and that he would get full custody and that i could have my stupid son and not the girls. He had been pushing for my son to move out and had kicked out of the home several times with cursing him and even hitting him. He has had a hatred for my 2 older boys from a previous marriage. He would berate my oldest at first and when he went on his mission it all spilled onto my second son. I think this is why he made these false accusations. I still find it hard to believe that he is truly an evil man versus just a stupid man who would think that making this up would grant him full custody, not realizing the enormity of the issue of stating something like this and jeopardizing a young man's life. Although, as I go through this HELL, I feel I see more of what this man, husband of mine is capable of. None of which is loving or caring about the best interest to me or the girls. I was not the one who abused them, I worked hard to build a business in order to provide for them. As he was never a very good provider. Back to CPS. we just went to court and CPS requested and granted my husband the girls. Stating that since I'm in denial (they are assuming guilty before innocence here) that I would allow further abuse by strangers or sibling to sibling. I don't allow that now and I find their thinking asinine. I was late to court and from what my attorney told me Andrew had stated he didn't know that my son was living there. Oh one of his many lies. I had left the home and stated that i would not come home unless my son was let back in. Which he agreed too. I'm sorry but if this was reversed I would of stated that I don't care if neither one of you come back. Hence the reason I feel this is all false. Who allows a molester to continue to live in the home? Yet, CPS who doesn't believe me when I told them that my husband is a liar, totally was fooled by one of his many lies to them. As for proof that he lied about knowing that he lived at home it's all in my fb messages. Which I promptly forwarded to his mother who baby's him and covers for his lies. He will never grow up as long as she never lets him experience life's issues and deal with them. He will never mature.
Which reminds me of the time he cheated on me and got his mother believing that i made the emails up and that it was I, who made them up to get an excuse to divorce him. As if I needed an excuse. That I made a craiglist ad seeking sexual companionship in his name. I also sent them from his very phone which he had locked which was the only reason I felt he was hiding something. That my MO is to marry a loser and take what very little income he has in child support. Right, if I was to do that, I would do it to rich men. They must not think much of my intelligence. Oh well, not that my family thinks much of him either and frankly what was wrong with me that I was with this man in the first place and for so long. Although she did believe that he stole the tithing money that I gave him once to give to our bishop. A whole $610. Boy stealing from the lord is worse then stealing from your own spouse. I set him up once and he failed and still till this day will not admit that he stole the money. This is how I can tell he is lying. He won't for any reason admit to his lies even when caught red handed.
I have court on the 14 of April to where Leia's dad is setting into motion the temporary order for custody that was set down by a judge out of my county. CPS had dismissed Leia from their case. As of now she could return to me and we could be reunited but is that going to happen, no. The CPS case worker told her father that i was still not to see her or be returned to me. which is now not the case. so cps ruined things from this point for me, as all along Leia's father has been stating that he wanted his daughter to be with me. why the sudden change with him? I don't know for sure but in speaking with him he stated that paying child support is such a hardship for him. Oh dear, another dead beat father. I can't believe that a good christian man is putting his greed of money over what is best for his daughter. It has been so hard for me to not answer my daughter as to why she can't come home. I have no hope of getting any of the girls now since the judge will want to keep all the girls together and since Leia's dad intends to leave my daughter living with (get this) my in-laws. As they are willing to raise her without any Child Support expectations. I suppose they will expect me to pay them CS. All I want is for the girls is to come home. They have more space here, their own room and a mother who works from home and can parent 24/7 and yet these two men, one who let's non relatives to raise our girl and the other who works two jobs which he would never did while married to me, so the girls don't see much of either of the male parents and me, who desperately wants to parent full time yet I am being unjustly accused of being an unfit mother for which I am nothing of the sort.
I realize that this blog puts some in a bad light but I want to express that I am also putting myself in a bad light or at least will in my blog. I have already admitted how stupid I am to have stayed with this man this long. Also my grammar is bad. I think you get the jest of the story. I will have some who are concerned with me putting this info out there but if I am to have faith which I have little of. They say the truth will set you free. So here is the truth. I hope i have faith enough that it will set me free.
